I hear Hope screaming. I run up the stairs.
I run through the master bedroom and into the bedroom. The air is humid and the smell of shampoo lingers in the air. Hope is standing on the scale. She looks at me with astonishment.
“I’ve gained another %&#@ 5 pounds.”
I was stupefied. I thought something bad had happened.
“Maybe the towel weighs 5 pounds.”
She was covering herself with her towel. She read between the lines.
“I wasn’t wearing the towel when I weighed myself smart ass.”
I wanted to hold her but I knew that would make things worse. I took a step forward, and she jumped off the scale and pressed the button with her big toe that makes the measurement disappear. Her eyes pushed me back.
“Not now.” She said sternly.
“It’s not ever.” I said agitated.
“That’s all you ever have on your mind.”
“That’s not what I was even thinking about. I gave up on that months ago.”
“Yeah, that’s what I expected you to say. Throw it in my face Jim.”
“I wasn’t throwing it in your face. That’s the least of our problems now.”
“And what do you mean by that?”
“I just want to love you. What I would give to just hold you like before.”
“No! I don’t know.”
“Hope, come one now. That’s exactly what I’m talking about. You never ever talked in circles before. You know before…”
I stopped in that naked space before you think something and then let it be blurted out. I wasn’t about to tell her that it was her menopause talking. These are things you just don’t talk about. It is a known rule for men not to bring up hormones.
Hope tightened the towel around her. It was no longer being used as a shield. It had become a suit of armor. Hope was and is the most beautiful woman I have ever met. I am at the age that I see a woman’s beauty by looking at her spirit not at her body. Hope isn’t 30 any longer. She’s 51 and as far as I am concerned, looks awesome.
Hope’s spirit had dimmed ever since she hit menopause. I wondered, did her spirit dim and then her body changed? Or did her body change and then her spirit dimmed?
I closed my eyes and I saw Hope as before. She standing there. She was smiling and joking and being the sexiest thing alive. She was no longer that person. She had become a hormonally challenged menopausal woman whose esteem had been knocked down to this, a woman who did not want me to see her, let alone to look at herself.
She stepped backwards toward her sink. She looked at me with the same painful expression that she had been carrying around for months. She opened her eyes wide and wrinkled her forehead. I knew that meant for me to leave.
“What?” I asked.
“Can I have some privacy!”
I looked at her with a broken heart. Hope, Hope, Hope, I said to myself. The love of my life, did not want me in the same room with her.
“I’m sorry.” She said apparently reading my heart.
It wasn’t. I turned and left the room. As I walked down the stairs, I wondered if she had fallen out of love. I had heard that couples fall out of love, but all would be alright as long as both didn’t fall out of love at the same time. I was still so in love with her so everything should be ok. We had been married for 21 years. We were not what I would call the perfect couple, but neither one of us had ever fallen out of love before. Never ever. It all started when her hormones went south after menopause. She would never admit it.
I went and poured me a cup of coffee. I sat down in my chair. I thought about our marriage. We had married at a hotel in Carmel California. We had chosen it because some high profile wedding at taken place there. I think it was Madonna and Sean Penn. We rented a suite and had our family and closest friends attend.
The wedding was perfect. Then the honeymoon happened. We had went on a Mexican Rivera cruise. Our first night was beautiful. The staff had made swans out of her negligee. We were so excited and happy.
On the next day, we sat around the adult only pool with Europeans. Hope decided to do in Rome as Roman’s do. She had gotten a severe sunburn, She was miserable.
She wouldn’t let me touch her the rest of the trip. She was in pain and cranky. I tried to attend to her, but she just wanted to be left alone. She not only felt bad physically, she also felt bad mentally. She believed that her sunburn had ruined our honeymoon. I tried to tell her that it had not, but she was bound and determined to be miserable within her guilt.
What made it worse was that she had planned out everything. She planned the excursions with great excitement. Instead, she was stuck in the small claustrophobic cabin. She laid on top of the small cot-like bed. She bathed herself in aloe vera. She laid there also bathing in pain and anguish. She embraced her guilt that she had ruined our honeymoon. Puerto Vallarta came, Mazatlan came, it wasn’t until we got to Cabo that she even left the small cabin.
I sat in my chair remembering how her burnt body lay in the cabin’s bed. I remember praying for her pain to go away or at least the pity. Laying there, she was so beautiful, so young, so awesome.
I felt the same way 21 years later. There she was upstairs, so beautiful, so awesome and I cannot touch her, I could not enjoy her. All I could do was be frustrated.
She had become like a magnet that repelled instead of attract. She was repelling everyone. I needed to somehow turn the magnet the other way. I needed to get her back to attracting, not only me, but everyone.
Menopause can be devastating to relationships. We know. But it doesn’t have to be. If you can relate to Jim and Hope, and you are in menopause, there is help. Balancing your hormones is the key to beating menopause and its devastation to your body, relationships, career, and drives. We have developed a protocol to assist you in mending the damage. We coach menopausal women back to look and feel happy, healthy and energized. We would like to explain how we do it and demonstrate the first step of The HOPE Protocol at no cost to you. This is a full coaching session. I may take 1 to 2 hours so plan accordingly. You can schedule your free coaching session by clicking below. We have thousands of success stories and have been optimizing menopausal women’s lives for over 35 years.
The more hormonally imbalanced you are the less you will feel like yourself.
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